Effects of Divorce on You and Your Spouse

Divorce is typically a last resort for couples who are facing considerable marital difficulties. Regardless of reasons, most Parties would not wish to entertain the option of divorce seriously, until marital relations are teetering on the edge of breaking down.

Often, either Party would have been thinking about divorce for a significant period of time, while contemplating the consequences of actualising a divorce into reality.

Hence, Parties considering filing for divorce may experience the following issues:
Socio-emotional issues

• Fear of social backlash or betrayal, either from the other Party if they do not want to divorce, or from people around them;
•  Stigma of being perceived as having failed at marriage;
•  Social repercussions of mutual friends and family potentially picking either Party’s side;
  Psychological issues
•  Existential dread and grief over the loss of a significant part of their home life;
•  Uncertainty regarding the future, including reshuffling of life plans from various social and financial angles;
•  Feelings of isolation as Parties may feel like few people understand their plight;
• Feelings of confusion and loss over how to recover from a major life setback;
•  Feelings of shame and regret over personal contributions to such marital breakdown;
•  Inability to cope with the impending divorce in a healthy manner; and/or
•  Increased suicidality.

Effects of Divorce on Your Child

For most parents, child issues would form the bulk of their concerns where a divorce is imminent. It is clear that opting for divorce will cause adverse socio-emotional impacts on your child, including:

• Self-blame from thinking that they caused you and your spouse to divorce;
•  Low self-esteem due to developing a negative self-perception of inadequacy;
•  Feelings of shame or not fitting in, that your family no longer follows mainstream expectations of an intact, close-knit nuclear family structure;
•  Feeling that they have to take sides, if you and your spouse can no longer get along at all;
•  Having to adjust to a lower standard of living, if you and your spouse cannot agree on financial maintenance matters;
•  Physical and physiological fatigue from having to shuttle back and forth to visit two homes, assuming either you or your spouse moves out and no longer live together post-divorce; and/or
•  Feeling unwanted, in the event that either you or your spouse stops fulfilling parenting responsibilities as a caregiver to your child.

What remains under the realm of your control is how well you and your spouse take collective measures to soften the impact of divorce upon your child.

This can be achieved by following positive co-parenting practices, and informing your child’s teachers at school to discuss how best to proceed. Telling others in your community will allow them to help you keep an eye on your child’s mood, amidst other signs of psychological or emotional distress, especially in terms of academic performance.

Seeking a Counsellor or Psychologist
It is not easy to have to face such tremendous amounts of stress and change across various life aspects.

Even if your family and friends can provide a listening ear, a Counsellor or Psychologist will be better able to help you process any trauma or negative core beliefs on a deeper level. Doing so in a timely manner can help you prevent spiralling into heavier traumas for the long run. Thus, you are encouraged to seek an experienced and empathy-driven Counsellor or Psychologist with whom you feel comfortable sharing and working through your issues.

Seeking a Family Lawyer
A good Family Lawyer will be able to provide you with advice tailored to your unique set of circumstances. In the event that you ultimately choose to divorce, selecting a suitable and experienced Family Lawyer will also offer you peace of mind, as you can rest knowing that you are in capable hands. Your chosen Family Lawyer will ensure that your legal interests are well-protected.