When divorce proceedings are commenced, this brings about major changes for all Parties involved. Often, the one who ends up most affected is the child of the marriage. The breakdown of the marital relationship denies the child any chance of growing up in a stereotypical “nuclear” family.

In certain instances, the instability faced by the child can worsen when there is parental alienation. In this article, we will expound on the concept of parental alienation, its effects, and ways to combat it.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is the manipulation of the child against the other parent. This manipulation can be intentional or unintentional, but ultimately leads to the undermining or interference of the child’s relationship with the alienated parent.

Types of Parental Alienation

The alienating parent can be broadly classified into the following categories:

•  The Naïve Alienator

1.  This type of alienator behaves in ways like making passive-aggressive comments, which are not consciously intended to alienate the child from the other parent.
2. These parents avoid creating situations that actively detract from the child’s happiness and well-being. Unbeknownst to the alienator, however, their words and actions may pressurise the child unintentionally. The child then struggles to figure out how to behave in order to please both parents.

• The Active Alienator

1. The active alienator has difficulties managing their emotions and stress as part of or after divorce proceedings. These emotions toward the other parent end up seeping through and affecting the alienator’s interactions with the child.
2.  The child is then exposed to negative perspectives and feelings against the alienated parent, which ends up altering their personal view of this parent.
3. Similar to the Naïve Alienator, the Active Alienator does not intend to expose or involve the child in their negative emotions against the other parent. Instead, this behaviour comes about from a lack of self-control or awareness.

• The Obsessed Alienator

1. Distinct from the Naïve or Active Alienator, an Obsessed Alienator actively and intentionally seeks to damage the other parent’s relationship with their child.
2. As part of this, the Obsessed Alienator will try to skew and colour the child’s views of the other parent in order to “punish” the alienated parent. This may also be done in a misguided attempt to protect the child from the “evil” parent.
   o The alienating parent will tend to share details of the divorce proceedings or any other perceived wrongdoings committed by the other parent, in order to achieve their goal of disrupting their parent-child relationship.
3. In trying to convince their child to distance themselves from the alienated parent, the Obsessed Alienator will attempt to convince the child that the alienated parent is associated only with negative attributes.

Effects of Parental Alienation

As a result of the parental alienation, the child may feel disconnected with the alienated parent. Some signs that a child has been alienated from a parent include:

• The child denies any attempts the alienated parent makes to interact, and responds in a hostile manner.
• The child does not have any reason or basis behind their negative behaviour or attitude towards the alienated parent.
•  The alienated parent is viewed as being flawed by the child, while the alienating parent is seen as being perfect.
•  When any issues arise, the child consistently sides with the alienating parent, without giving due regard to the alienated parent’s position or perspective.

What can be Done?

When dealing with Naïve or Active Alienators, the affected parent may be able to resolve the problem by simply having a candid discussion with the alienating parent.

• These types of parental alienators are not intentionally trying to disrupt the affected parent’s relationship with the child, but are unaware or unable to compartmentalise their feelings towards the alienated parent.
• Once the Naïve or Active Alienator becomes cognisant of the impact of their actions, they are likely to be sincere and genuine towards facilitating the repair and recovery of the child’s relationship with the alienated parent.
•  If the Family Courts’ intervention is required, an order that neither Party is to disparage the other Party would likely be sufficient to signal to the alienating parent that there are risks to the child, if they were to continue with their unintentional course of alienation.

In cases involving Obsessed Alienators, the Family Courts’ orders would likely be more explicit in condemning the alienating Party’s behaviour.

• When making decisions involving children, the Family Courts’ paramount consideration is that of the child’s best interests.
• If the alienating parent is relentless in attempting to destroy the affected parent’s relationship with the child, this would result in the loss of a loving parental relationship – which would not be in the child’s welfare.
•  As such, the Family Courts would make orders for strict action to be taken to help protect the relationship between the child and the alienated parent. In certain circumstances, the Family Courts may even reverse the order for care and control of the child from the alienating Party to the affected Party.

Engaging a Parental Alienation Lawyer or Counsellor

A good Parental Alienation Lawyer or Counsellor would ensure that neither Party is alienated in their capacity as a parent, according to their child’s best interests. As such, in the event that one Party is likely to be or actively being alienated, hiring a capable Parental Alienation Lawyer or Counsellor would be an important course of action.